Motherhood

Today I sit here so blessed, beyond anything I EVER thought was possible. Yet I know the best is yet to come. Not here of course, so until then I will seek to live in gratitude and humility for ALL the Lord has done and will continue to do. A common theme in my life is that the Lord has used the most painful of circumstances to mold me, refine me but ultimately giving me the gift of complete abundance and satisfaction. Not from what the world says is satisfactory (smart kids, big home, nice car,etc..)but in peace and unexplainable joy that would seem crazy to those looking in at our life. A peace which only comes from not focusing on the external but the eternal Jesus Christ! John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Do I have it down? NO..It's been a continued to process that I desire to grow daily in the way I live and do. This is where the children come in. God has absolutey used my children to refine me, Yes, I am there for them but to not celebrate that the Lord uses our children to refine us(if we let Him) would be to not reckonize the invisible hand and providence of God. I never knew how selfish I was (outside of marriage) until I had kids. I also never realized how controlling I can be until I get anxious and upset that my kids are'nt doing what I ask of them or teach them. I am so grateful that the Lord has revealed to and grown me (still in training) that my part is to train them in the way they should go, to reproof, discpline, love.... The rest is God's..He knows,He already has their days set and numbered. I may not get the results I desire for them but I can know that I was faithful.

How much pressure I can put on myself that because they are not getting it,or that they have made bad choices that I am failing as a mom. HOGWASH! There has been so much peace in knowing and accepting that my kids are seperate from me. I am responsible to them not for them. They are accountable to making their own choices ( I can't control that) but they cannot control thier consequences. My part is to love them and when they fail to follow through with love and truth, not uuhhhhhhh, you did it again, when will you learn mentality. I'm still learning! I still sin daily! born that way,no way out accept accepting the gift of Christ love! but i know that when I start to get critical of them.. Jesus could write much in the sand. Do i want to force my childrens' hand in obedience or do I want their hearts to be pure! Psalm 51 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Thank you Caitlin, Carly, Wolasa and Rediet. Caitlin,although it has been so hard at times, God is using you and will continue to mold you through your choices, good or bad. And in His soverenty, HE will use you in the life of others if they allow! What a mighty work he is doing in my heart because you are in my life. You are a joy and have more energy than I can keep up with, your intensity, God will use. Your perserverance that you have learned now is unbelievable. The way you can forgive and ask for forgiveness, most adults cannot do, yet you are learning it now. God will use your compassion for life a long way! Carly, your laugh and wittinesss drive me crazy yet make me laugh all at the same time. Your cautiousness with every situation will far, your fire cracker personality will be used by God for sure! Your affection for us is so rewarding when mamma is exhausted! You are precious!!Wolasa, tender, gentle and a lover!! You taught me so much even before you actually where in my arms. Your are teaching me much now. I love your love for learning and they way you want to help with everything! There are days when i could eat you up!!! Sweet Rediet, you are teaching me much too, the Lord is refining my faith through your abscence. I long for you to be home. I love you kids, happy kids day! because there wouldn't be a mothers' day without you! Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.